Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
1. The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
2. Men can read smaller print then women can; women can hear better.
3. It is impossible to lick your elbow. (Go ahead, try it!)
4. A crocodile can't stick its tongue out.
5. A shrimp's heart is in its head.
6. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
7. More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.
8. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
9. Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
10. In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Come on...can this REALLY be comfortable???
Meet Turbo. He joined Lissfull's family this summer. He has some rather odd sleeping positions, all of which seem remarkably comfortable to him! When I became witness to this particular one I thought perhaps there was something medically wrong. But no worries, Lissfull assures me he is resting comfortably. Sweet dreams!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
* "I'm a vampire and you can't take that away from me."
* "I think she's a flight risk."
* "Should I start reading now?"
* "The paper might be stuck in my nose."
* "Can I eat the cheese off of everyone's pizza because I just like the cheese."
* "My pencil has left the building."
* "Is there more than Coca-Cola in that can?"
Thank goodness it's Friday....
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Here's the first sentence one of the boys offered up......The man is making love to the woman on the bench.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Shoes all over the place! All kinds, sizes and colors. I myself was quite perplexed, having never seen anything quite like this. Wouldn't you just leave them by your blanket? Immediately I began questioning why there were hundreds of pairs of shoes just lying at the bottom of the stairs. Mamasita's response was, "I guess you can't wear shoes on the beach. We better leave ours." Oh no sista....I've seen the episode of Sex and The City where Carrie leaves her shoes at the door, and they weren't there when she went to leave! So this beachgoer happily carried hers so she could feel the sand beneath her toes...
Friday, July 25, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
You see, I dread Sundays with an anxiety that begins somewhere around mid-afternoon on Saturday. I just don't like that day before Monday. That day that I feel like is consumed with uncomfortable anticipation of all that goes on in a work week. Even during the summer, when I don't have to work, I occasionally get those pangs of uneasiness. So when Mr. Mayer made specific mention of Sundays while bantering between songs, my ears perked up. I don't remember what his exact words were, but it went something like this: You need to live life to the fullest every day. Living moment to moment and getting joy out of even the smallest things should be a priority. And that can be enough. If you're always trying to find happiness in the infinite there's a pretty good chance it won't happen. The infinite is just too big.
So here I go...off to embrace a Sunday.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
At the smell of food, Mamasita's 10 year old son appears on the porch and very matter of factly spits out "Holy hummus." It may just be the catholic school upbringing in me, but I thought that was classic. And in case you are wondering, that's 30 ounces of hummus in that tub...
Saturday, July 5, 2008
It wasn't until maybe the second day that we caught on to why Bird was sticking around. The cityslicker two decks away was feeding Bird! It became painfully obvious that this man did not know the golden rule about these birds I refer to as sea vultures....
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I don't want to sound like a commercial or anything, but I believe in giving credit where credit is due. Ladies, I have found the goddess of all razors! It is Gillette's Venus Embrace and you must run out right now and purchase it. I got it after reading about it in a magazine. An editor who had tried it out claimed that she didn't have to shave her legs for three days after using it. That right there had me jetting off to Target in search of it. I ended up getting the promotional package Target was featuring - it came with lotion, shaving cream, razor, replacement blade and a pod like thing to house it in the shower. All for a little over $9. While the replacement blades do seem a little pricey, I will attest that I think it will be worth every penny. My legs are sparkling with smoothness in the sunshine!!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The blessed iPod broke a little over three weeks ago. Mind you, it was just before I had to spend close to 20 hours on a train. Oh joy! I got the replacement iPod last Thursday and have been since dreading the next step - getting all my music from the old iPod onto the new one. The box has been sitting on my desk for 6 days just staring at me. Today I took a deep breath, a few sips of Jose Cuervo, and dove in. Sweet mother of pearl, the little machine did everything all by itself in less than three minutes!!!!!!!!! Why can't everything be this easy???
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I'm here now to report that the three of us survived without a scratch! No one cried or had to be carted off to the ER. We ended each day fed, clean and with homework done. I'm not saying it was easy because I've never been one to say that parenthood is a piece of cake. I see what my friends go through, it's a job and it's hard! It was a learning experience for me and I definitely came away from it with a better appreciation for all parents out there.
Here's just a few of the lessons learned:
* You are exhausted at the end of the day! I thought I'd have trouble sleeping at night because I'd be worried about not hearing someone getting up, etc. That went right out the window after the first night. Sleep was definitely not a problem. In fact, I think those 5 nights were the best sleep I've had in quite awhile....
* Kid's clothes have the ability to multiply right before your eyes. No matter how many times you put something in the hamper, you can turn around and there will be three more shirts on the floor. I don't know how it happened because they only wore one outfit a day, but the clothes seemed to be taking over the house....
* Peanut butter jars are recycable, but a bitch to clean out before you can put it in the blue bin....
* Kids will do the sweetest things - like make your bed for you while you're in the shower....
* Kids sleepwalk! They'll come downstairs and have an entire conversation with you and not remember it the next morning....
* Apparently standing in the shower causes children to have to poop....
* The drop-off line at school is one-way for a reason and everyone should follow that rule! Now rest assured, I was not the one that went in the wrong way. Some other lady did and she got some pretty hefty glares thrown her way by the people trying to go the right way....
* Kids can learn the words to a song faster than you can blink and will sing it incessantly for days....
* Going for a scooter ride and a walk on the bike path is a great idea. Just keep in mind that you have to double back the distance you go in one direction in order to get back to the car. Little legs get tired....
Thanks to E Squared for being the awesome kids that they are. I think of you every time I hear a certain song on the radio. Thanks also to their parents for trusting me enough to leave them in my care. I had a blast and would do it again anytime! :)
Friday, March 7, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
This morning I was racing up Interstate 95 towards the innards of the ghetto where I teach. Imagine my despair when all of sudden a horrifying sound came out of the passenger door speaker. It actually resembled the sound of nails on a chalkboard, and yes - I shivered. The car is just over a year old, this should not be happening! I quickly turned the radio off praying that when I turned it back on the sound would miraculously have fixed itself. I'm panicking because I don't know how I will ever be able to counsel, teach and referee without my daily fix of John Mayer. Power back on...same horrific sound, possibly even worse. I am forced to shut the damn thing off and gulp, leave it off. Do you know how excruciating the sound of silence is in the car? Needless to say, today's circus act was not one of my best. I'm toying with the idea of signing up for Dunkin Donuts coffee club....
Thursday, January 31, 2008
My 3rd grade class was lining up at the end of the day.
Student: There seems to be a leak on the floor.
Me: Could someone get some paper towel then and please clean it up because the bell is going to ring.
Student: It's not water. It's orange.
Me: Orange? What do you mean orange? (I move toward the line to investigate and note that several girls are now standing in something that is indeed somewhat orange.)
Students: Ew! Look at *Ari's pants!!!!!
Me: Ari come here. (I'm completely panicked now because not too long ago Ari had asked to go to the bathroom and I said no. Did she crap her pants? She is covered in something of an orange/brown hue.) Ari what is that??
Ari: (Holding her bookbag up in front of her which I note is now oozing something orange.) Oh no, my icecream!
Me: I'm sorry, your WHAT??????????????
Ari: My icecream. I bought it on the way to school today.
Me: (The panic has subsided. She didn't crap her pants, but WTF, this icecream has been in my closet all day!!!) Ari, might you want to now throw it away because it seems to be leaking out of your backpack.
Ari: No, I'll just hold my hand over this spot on my bag so it won't leak anymore. I'm going to take it home.
Me: Okey dokey then...Room 208, pass to the end of the hall.
*Student's name has been changed to protect her lack of intelligence.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
My friend and I got to The Big Apple two hours ahead of our 8:30 a.m. expected arrival at Martha Stewart's studio. So much for New York traffic....We drove in on 12th Ave./Henry Hudson Pkwy. with maybe eight other cars. Isn't this the city that never sleeps? Where the hell was everyone?? Gave a wave across the Hudson to those in Jersey probably just crawling out of bed. It was still pitch black out and neither of us was too crazy about walking around lower Manhattan in the dark, so we continued down 12th Avenue toward Battery Park. Saw the glow of Lady Liberty's torch, a few boats/ferries and Ground Zero.
The sun is almost up so it's time to park the car! Oh joy...We head down 26th Street and find a garage a block from Martha's studio. It's $16.00 +tax for the whole day, what a bargain! We hand the keys over to the attendant praying to god that the car will still be there when we come back later in the day!
We arrive at Martha's studio! We get the guy at the front desk to buzz us in. Since we are so early he suggests we go around the corner to Dunkin Donuts. Buddy, we're in New York City!! We can go to Dunkin Donuts at home. Point us in the direction of Rockefeller Center please. He chuckles and comments on what a hike that will be, he doubts we would make it back for the 8:30 a.m. line-up outside Martha's studio. My friend and I look at one another and smile. He obviously doesn't know who he's talking to, two all time speed walkers! We bid our new friend adios and assure him we will be back in an hour.
We step back out onto 26th St. and we're off! We walk over two blocks to 5th Ave., and then start the trek up towards 50th St. We plow ahead at full speed.
We arrive quite out of breath at Rockefeller Center and stay long enough to snap a picture. We leave abruptly due to screams from across the street. The Today Show!
Matt, Meredith and Al! We end up on The Today Show as they talk about some upcoming segment with monkeys. When they are done taping they all graciously turn around and talk to the crowd. Unfortunately we don't have time to chat, Martha is waiting! We psych ourselves up for the 2 blocks back over and 24 blocks back down towards lower Manhattan.
We make it back to Martha's despite a little detour through Times Square! We are incredibly winded and each of us has a blister on the back of one of our feet. We find the friendly desk guy from earlier when we get inside the building and tell him of our adventure over the past hour. He doesn't believe us so we have to show him the pictures to prove it!
After having my bag searched, being wanded (What the heck does Martha think her audience is going to smuggle in?), and coat checked we were allowed further into the land of Martha Stewart. Let me tell you it's quite nice. Muffins and juice were served while we waited for her warm-up guy Joey Kola to prep us for the show. He's quite a riot and must regularly visit the Dunkin Donuts previously mentioned because he ran around all day like he was on speed.
Joey Kola, the warm-up guy, announces they have extra tickets for the 1:00 p.m. taping. We get ourselves on that list and head out for a quick lunch. We don't have a lot of time so we run around the corner to a little cafe for some hot soup. (I'm hoping the crew got the tomato soup for lunch.) We sit there for 1/2 hour to defrost and then head back.
We have to submit to being searched and wanded again before we can get in. We are told that Miss Martha has a late afternoon flight to Germany, so we must all move quickly and get to our seats. This time we end up in the last row and get a different perspective of the mechanics of everything. We wait anxiously with this audience for taping to begin.
Still waiting...We are told that Martha is "taking a meeting." I wonder if she expects the plane to Germany to wait for her too? Everyone's teeth are chattering and I am pretty much sitting there asleep with my eyes open. This morning's 52 block walk has caught up with me....
Taping ends and Martha flees the studio, I'm assuming to catch her plane. Joey Kola tells us we need to stay to tape one more extra segment with the Sirius radio people which will air sometime in the future. It's a question and answer segment about animals. It's okay because I'm a frozen block of ice and wouldn't be able to get up and leave anyhow....My friend gets chosen to ask a question about hermit crabs. Do you know what the best environment for them is?
We are done and go to collect our parting gifts for the day. From the live taping in the morning we got a pound of Organic National Wildlife coffee and a package of sponges and soaps from Tarpon Springs, FL. The afternoon taping's gift was a copy of... The Cat Bible. Agh!!!!! Those of you who know me are well aware of the fact that I hate cats. I realize hate is a strong word, but I am deathly afraid of them and will have no use for this bible. I thought about taking a match to it out on 26th St. so that I could warm up before the drive home, but then my friend suggested we each try and return it to Borders along with The Guide to Dogs and Cats book that we also received.
We retrieve the car (yes, it was still there!) and begin the trek home. Now everyone is up and out driving on the streets of New York....It takes us 3 hours to get to my friend's house in CT. Add another hour drive for me to get to my house and I am home by...
I was in my pajamas and under the flannel sheets still trying to warm up after sitting all day in the frigid studio. I instantly fell asleep. Making so many TV appearances in one day can be quite a workout. Two days later I am still trying to recover!